The Remedy

The house was an older home. From the outside it didn't have what those on HGTV would call "curb appeal". It had two outside entrance doors and an enclosed porch. The landscaping was minimal and the grass, while freshly mowed, didn't exactly represent a green blanket of goodness.

As we walked inside, my impressions continued to decline. The kitchen was tiny, without a dishwaher or garbage disposal and there was carpet covering not only the kitchen floor but also the dining room floor. I guess that is if you wanted to call it carpet. It definitely wasn't the plush carpet that you see in new homes. It actually might have been taken out of a 1970's office building and relaid in this home!

But, over time, I began to become ok with this old house we were renting. I made a few adjustments and touched up where I could. The kids loved the staircase and the huge yard. Doug had a separate room for an office which he also loved. And, there were old floor grates that supplied the comfort of heat during the cold winter months, reminding me of my own days as a child growing up in an old home.

And, it was on one of those grates that I sat, legs crossed, hunched over in immense pain. The jolting pains to my back and abdomen had started the evening before. A hot bath, a walk around the block, and what seemed like half a bottle of tylenol had not even touched the hugeness of this pain. Tears stained my cheeks and dropped onto the blanket wrapped around my body, as I shiver with coldness.

Doug did not know what to do. He had already taken me to the E.R....no answers and no relief from the pain medication they prescribed. He had asked if I wanted my back rubbed. He had fed the kids supper and put them to bed. There was nothing he could do to ease my pain!  It is in these moments as a spouse that you feel utterly helpless.

In some ways, I was feeling the same pains of helplessness. Nothing was taking the pain away. I didn't have any answers as to why I was experiencing it. I had no one else to turn to...the clinics were closed, the E.R. had not helped, the pharmacy was closed.

Psalm 73:26

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

It was only God who could provide strength of my heart! Only He could become my portion! 

Turns out, after days of pain, and what seemed like endless tests, I was diagnosed with mono!  Mono...as a 36 year old! All that for mono!  However, that wasn't the only diagnosis that occurred that week. I also was diagnosed with a lack of faith. I had put my trust in everything else prior to putting my faith in God.

Go for a walk.
Eat something healthy.
Drink more water.
Pop another tylenol.
Go to the E.R.

You see, it is not that these remedies are bad. Each one has it's place. It is just that during that week, I was reminded that God is my portion! He is the one who provides for me! He is the giver of strength! He is the remedy! And I guess there are days that I still need that reminder! Thank God for the gentle nudging of His word!

Dear Lord...today...might you help me remember that when all else might be failing...when my heart, my health, my courage, my circumstances, my hope are failing...Lord, help me remember that you are my provider! You are my portion Lord! You are the giver of all things! You will provide!!!  Amen!