When I am weak...

I opened the letter and the tears began to flow. Drip. Drip. Drip. Down my cheeks. Landing on the paper in front of me.

It had been a long weekend.

My dad is battling lung cancer. He is not well. Prognosis is not good. Our faith in the Lord Jesus is still the same, but when you look at the eyes of your father and see illness, it would be a lie to say that we haven't been shaken.

When a family faces terminal illness, emotions run amuck. (is that even a word?) Anyway, emotions are all over the place. There is sadness over the reality of death. There is joy over the coming together of family to fight for a life. There is empathy over a sister whose husband is also deployed to Iraq during this time. There is hope in our faith in God's healing power. There is confusion over terms like chemotherapy and fluids and hospice. And, yes, even in a strong Christian family, there is fear over the unknown.

So, as I opened the envelope and read letter, the tears came. It was just one more thing on a pile of issues lately. Just one more item to deal with. One more glitch. One more thorn.

"Lord I CAN NOT TAKE ANY MORE!"

"Lord- WHERE ARE YOU?"

"Lord, give us a break! Seriously! For the Love! I know you see this! I know you realize how much is on our plate right now! I know you see me praying and crying out to you in the dark of the night after the  kids are fast asleep, sheltering them from my emotions. I KNOW YOU KNOW GOD! JUST PUT A STOP TO IT ALL!"

It's real life. It's raw. It's tough.

And guess what? It's Biblical!

David cried out to God.
Moses cried out to God.
Naomi cried out to God.

JESUS cried out to God!

And in that moment, in that instance of despair, in that feeling of helplessness, in that second of uncertainty...God answered...

"My grace is sufficient Jen."
"I am here."
"I do see you."
"You can go on. I am before you."
"Stand up. Hold firm. Lean on me!"

And then, in an email from my sister this week, He answered again...

When I Am Weak, He Is Strong
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

Finding strength in Christ alone,
Jen