I sat on the edge of my bed. The kids were on the bus, Doug was working on his computer downstairs. My freshly brewed coffee with just a touch of Nestle's Peppermint Mocha cream was steaming on the little green table beside my bed. As I lifted the mug and took a sip, the words on the page soaked into my heart, into my soul, into my being:
"Let me prepare you for the day that stretches out before you. I know exactly what this day will contain, whereas you have only vague ideas about it."
Hmmm...my heart skipped a bit of a beat. I don't know what today will bring. I can fill my date book, chalk it up on our family chalkboard and plan ahead, but in reality I have no idea what lies ahead. The thought brought me excitement and fear all in one.
"Amma" Lucy's sweet little voice from the stairs below jolted me out of my devotional time.
"Ok Lord, here we go...you know what today will bring, I do not. My trust is in You."
The subject line just eeked of bad news...actually that was the subject line: "BAD NEWS".
I actually took a moment and opened three other emails before I had the guts to open that one.
It was from my friend Tina and I just knew it wasn't going to be good. She's not the type of person to just throw around that heading without having just cause.
"We received word today that Aunty Jenneba, one of Lucy's caregivers, died last night. She was scheduled to have surgery next week for an ovarian cyst, but developed a fever last night and died. She leaves a son who was to begin college next week and possibly other children."
Yep, the devo nailed it...I had no idea what today would bring.
My heart flooded with emotions. I opened the picture and remembered the day it was taken. It was our final goodbye at the orphanage. Lucy was dressed in her favorite pj's ready to embark on the journey of a lifetime, ready to leave the center and board the plane to America with me. Aunty Jenneba wrapped Lucy in her arms, hugged her and began to cry. I knew she was joyful at the prospect of Lucy's new life and yet she grieved over the loss of the little one she had cared for every day since her arrival at the center. On that day, in that moment, my heart and mind wondered "why me?" Why had God chosen me?
Again today, I come to that place. "Why me?" Why do I get to live in America, with open hospitals and qualified doctors? Why do I get so much when so many others get so little? Why does a woman like Jenneba, who has the same deep, embedded faith in our Savior die from a preventable disorder, and yet I get to live? "Why me Lord? Why me?"
Today when the news came, my heart was hurt. I cried out for her children, now also left to be known as "orphans". I cried out for our children, those at the center whom she loved and cared for. I cried out for her co-workers. Women of faith who despite having an abiding love in our Lord, must be wondering when God will hear their cries and send someone to help. I simply cried.
You see, this woman...AUNTY JENNEBA...well, she bathed my baby. She fed her and clothed her. She did all the things that today God has allowed me to do. It's just emails like the one about Jenneba...someone I have hugged, someone who cared for my baby girl, someone who cried out in grief knowing that Lucy was going to a better place but missing her in her heart before we even left the center...well, when I hear she has died due to something as simple as a cyst...it just hits me all over again.
And this my friends... this is why I fight. This is why I will never let the country or the people of Sierra Leone leave my heart. This is why I have become known as the "woman who won't stop talking about Africa".
This is why ... because Aunty Jenneba...well, Aunty Jenneba...she was our sister!
"Let me prepare you for the day that stretches out before you. I know exactly what this day will contain, whereas you have only vague ideas about it."
Exodus 33:14
The LORD replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."
