Pea Salad
So I used to know this lady and when we had gatherings, she would bring a pea salad. And everyone loved her pea salad because she came in with it in a clear bowl, totally transparent, so you could see all the lovely ingredients…peas and the creamy dressing and grand yellow chunks of cheese, the good kind, the Velveeta cheese!She would walk into the party with the bowl in her hand and her purse in the other. And she would sit that pea salad on the table and with a smile on her face she would proceed to talk with all of us at the party. She would laugh and share stories and was someone you really felt like you could relate to. She didn’t challenge people or make us feel less than we were. She didn't say anything that caused me to question my life or made me think about living in a different way. She just was fun and easy to talk to. A nice person with great pea salad!
And when she left the party and gathered up the empty bowl with just the inklings of a tiny bit of that creamy dressing in it, we would all look around and think to ourselves, “Well that was nice!”
And someone might even say, “And she makes great pea salad.”
But you see, a few weeks later we learned that our friend with the pea salad…the one we all loved…she was hiding a deep dark hurt. She had troubles in her heart. There were things in her life that just tore her up. Ate away at her and changed who she was on the inside. But she vowed to herself, not to share it with us. She vowed to keep it inside. She didn't want to challenge us or hurt our feelings. She just wanted to be the lady with the pea salad. Butm the laughter, the fun…it was all a façade. It was an artificial front. She was someone else entirely on the inside.
So, today...today is a rough day. I don't know why. It has come out of nowhere really. Today, I feel like becoming the lady with the pea salad. I want to throw in the towel and simply put on the happy face. I want to stop asking for money. I want to stop sharing the stories. I don't want to care so much. I don't want my heart to be pierced. I will leave Africa in Africa. I want to go back to wondering what shoes my kids should wear to schooI, what color we should paint the bathroom, and what I should put in the crock pot for supper.
Today, I feel like showing up at the party of daily life with a smile on my face, just laughing and chatting with everyone. I will live here and enjoy my nice comfortable life with three cars, four bedrooms and lots of friends.
And today, I will bring the pea salad!
But inside…inside I will be hurting.
Sorry, not my normal uplifting, inspiring post but just from the heart!
~ Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are. ~
ReplyDeleteIt was a beautiful letdown
The day I knew
That all the riches this world had to offer me
Would never do.
Boomers... i love you. is this all because i didn't come yesterday? lol be honest.... ;) YOU can never show up at the party of life and be comfortable going through the motions... because you my sister... hear HIM. you hear his whisper in your ear... and YOU are being called. and the most important thing is... it is not about YOU!
NOPE. Not at all... so put your little pea salad aside and STEP UP my sister. Yes...step up. even when it's hard even when the thought of lifting your foot seems too much... YOU CHOOSE TO STEP UP.YOU CHOOSE.
and today... I pray that HE will stop whispering and start SCREAMING! i love you. xo
Oh He has been screaming believe me! And guess what, nope it wasn't about you (LOL :), or anyone else for that matter...it was simply a day of defeat!! It is all about having one of those days when you think too much. I was thinking...life used to be so simple, so easy...before my eyes were open...before I knew the pain and suffering in this world...so simple...but then today, today...my God comes through, screaming at me, through our church, through my sisters, through my husband, through HIS WORD...saying, "Oh no my sister...no you don't! I have called you! You will not give in and you will remain the voice for the voiceless!"
ReplyDeleteI love you Kate. I love my family. I love my life. I am restored, renewed, refreshed and watch out Satan cuz you know what...I went to bed defeated, but I woke up!!! And I will continue to step up!
... look what the Lord has done oh look what the Lord has done
ReplyDeletehe healed my body
he touched my mind
he saved me just in time
oh I'm gonna praise his name
each day he is still the same ... go on and praise him and look what the Lord has done.
words from a song that they would sing at Mooresville Church of God. AMEN!!!! xo
It is quite a privilege to be called by God to step up, my friend. I know you know this. I know this in my own unique way and I can relate to the days of just wanting to throw the towel in. We can't change what's happened and/or what will continue to occur. All we can do is live for Him. Here are some awesome verses I'm working to memorize as a part of Beth Moore's "Breaking Free"... Even when I read them over the weekend, I thought of you and your work in Africa.
ReplyDeleteIsaiah 61:1-4
"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has send me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. They will rebuilt the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations."
Wow! Do not let Satan get a foothold, Sister! His greatest fear is for any of us in Christ to "step up"...the victory is won! Amen?! Love you, Jen!